Why Overwhelm Feels Like Drowning (and How to Spot It Early) 🌊

When you hear the word “overwhelm”, it probably makes you think of a busy day at work, a long to-do list, or too many things happening at once. Stressful, yes — but usually manageable.

For someone living with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or Complex PTSD, “overwhelm” is a completely different experience. It doesn’t feel like juggling too many balls. It feels like drowning.

What overwhelm really looks like

Overwhelm for someone with emotional dysregulation is when everyday things suddenly feel impossible.

• A simple task like taking the dogs out feels like climbing a mountain.

• Making dinner feels unbearable.

• Even the thought of going somewhere new can trigger panic.

Their brain is already working overtime trying to regulate emotions, so when something else is added — noise, change, responsibility — it can tip everything over the edge.

Why it happens

The nervous system of someone with BPD/EUPD/CPTSD is often “on high alert”. Imagine walking around with your internal alarm bell constantly ringing. The body is primed for danger, even when there isn’t any. That means new situations, responsibilities, or even just too much all at once can send the system into overload.

To us, it looks like avoidance. To them, it feels like life-or-death panic.

The build-up before the crash

The tricky part is, overwhelm doesn’t always arrive suddenly. Often there are early signs, but they’re easy to miss:

• Snapping or irritability.

• Forgetting little things.

• Withdrawing or becoming very quiet.

• Saying “I can’t” more often.

If these warning lights go unnoticed, overwhelm can spiral into full-blown crisis — self-blame, guilt, panic attacks, or even self-harm.

What helps

As parents, we can’t stop overwhelm from happening altogether. But we can help ease it and spot it earlier:
✨ Break things down — instead of “sort the dogs”, make it “feed them first, then take them out later”.
✨ Remove pressure — reassure them it’s okay not to do everything at once.
✨ Offer grounding tools — simple sensory resets like holding ice cubes, listening to calming music, or taking slow breaths.
✨ Check in gently — ask, “Is this feeling a bit too much?” before it becomes a meltdown.

Overwhelm might never disappear completely, but by understanding it and responding with compassion instead of frustration, we can help our children feel less like they’re drowning — and more like they have someone to hold onto. 💙