Big Life Transitions & BPD: Why Change Feels Overwhelming

Understanding & Tools

For most people, big life changes, like moving out, starting a new relationship, or beginning a new job, bring a mix of nerves and excitement. There are worries, yes, but also hope and anticipation.

For someone living with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), CPTSD, or emotional dysregulation, these same transitions can feel very different. Instead of excitement, there’s often a sense of fear, uncertainty, and pressure that can quickly spiral into overwhelm.

Why Big Changes Can Feel So Heavy

1. Loss of Stability
Even positive changes disrupt routines. For someone already managing emotional storms, losing familiar anchors, home, family, and daily patterns, can feel like stepping off solid ground without knowing what’s below.

2. Fear of Abandonment
New chapters often bring new relationships, new living situations, or even new dynamics with existing loved ones. This can trigger fears of being rejected, left behind, or “not good enough”, fears that are often deeply rooted in past trauma.

3. Emotional Sensitivity
People with BPD experience emotions more intensely than most. What others might see as “normal stress” can feel like a tidal wave, leaving them physically and mentally drained.

How Mums Can Support During Transitions

These changes are huge, for them and for you. But while we can’t remove every challenge, we can create steady, safe spaces around them:

Validate their feelings
“Big changes can feel scary, it’s okay to feel nervous, I’d feel the same too.”

Offer gentle reassurance
Remind them that you’re still there, even if you’re not physically close. A simple “I’m always on the end of the phone” can be grounding.

Focus on practical anchors
Help them identify small routines they can carry into their new space, favourite meals, daily walks, or quiet “calm time” rituals. Familiarity creates stability.

Know when to step back
Sometimes the most supportive thing we can do is trust their choices, even when we’re terrified inside. It’s about balancing safety nets with independence.

The Bigger Picture

Transitions can be messy, unpredictable, and exhausting, but they’re also a chance for growth, learning, and finding new strengths.

For our children, each big change builds resilience. For us as mums, it’s an opportunity to step into a new role too: less “fixing,” more “anchoring.”

Because the goal isn’t to stop them from stepping out into the world, it’s to be their safe place when they need somewhere to land.

Your Calm in the Chaos,

Sami xx